On being an #overcomer of interpersonal violence


Language is the foundation of how we communicate. It affects our thinking and the way we view the world, ourselves and one another. It gives birth to constructs which become our mental imagery, help us describe and define our lives, and also answer the question: “Who am I?” Answering this question gives birth to stories about ourselves and these stories ultimately become broader narratives–“stories so big that our lives fit inside them.” (Jim Loehr).

Narratives build expectations and impact our thinking, values and behavior. They can transform everything they touch through their capacity to elicit emotions of fear, love, compassion, anger or shame, and so on. What we think about the world, ourselves and about other people’s experiences and how they are defined by those experiences, is not irrelevant. One could perhaps even go far as to say there are no meaningless thoughts because sooner or later, they manifest themselves through our attitudes, gestures and actions.

In the last few years, I have become increasingly interested in the public narratives around interpersonal violence (it refers to the emotional, sexual, physical, financial or spiritual abuse of someone). As a person who’s experienced the pain of emotional and physical abuse first hand and then witnessed the shaming of ‘survivors’ and pressure for silence imposed by the society at large, I felt an inner imperative to challenge the current state of things. To design and create programs that pave the way toward a future with less violence, zero shame for those who’ve been exposed to violence and more safe spaces.

I have one simple suggestion.

Let’s move on from ‘survivor’ to ‘overcomer’. 

I know Word and Grammarly paint a red line underneath the word as you type, which in my mind, is even more of a reason to start using it.

The future is first an idea. Change the language, change the story.

We can take it, own it, embrace it, adorn it with mental imagery of courage and badassery, and we can change our inner and outer realities with the tiny but powerful tool of words. (Words sure were once used to disempower and diminish. If you are an overcomer of abuse, you know what I mean.)

Even though survivor is already a lightyear away from its sad little predecessor, the victim, it fails us most of the time simply because hidden in the word is a notion that life post-interpersonal violence is bound to be survival at best. Besides, there’s an unsettling continuous flavor to the label survivor that the overcomer doesn’t have. Surviving is an ongoing state. To overcome means to gain control, move on and take action.

The future is always first an idea. Let’s break the silence, share our stories and support those who have been hurt. Let’s shape the public narrative and make it reverberate the power of


Screen Shot 2016-09-19 at 1.04.54 PM.png
-Chantal Barlow at an interview to HuffPost-


The inspiration to finally write this post came from revisiting the Unconventional Apology Project, one of my favorite digital activism projects currently out there, and created by the extraordinary Chantal Barlow (pictured in the main image of this post).

I was thinking how there’s not a bit of survivorship in the smiles and eyes that greet you at the website. I know there is struggle, there’s no denying that, but what I see are overcomers, warriors, fighters and individuals, who are courageously redefining the narrative around domestic violence overcomership.

Surf here to be inspired, see what an overcomer of domestic violence looks like and pause for a moment to honor the human ability to rise again and thrive against all odds (or click here to see another individual like them).

Take back the story.




One thought on “On being an #overcomer of interpersonal violence

  1. About power of story. What happens, when inner story and outer reality are in conflict?

    Some years ago I was traveling by train from north to south, and was about to reach Helsinki railway station. I looked at my watch, and it was some 30 more minutes to go. I casually swiped the curtain and watched outside, and saw scenery made of trees. I was like – interesting – I hadn’t really paid attention earlier, that Helsinki isn’t really that far away from forest area, and I went on to to continue preparing for arrival.

    And here it was, power of story.

    The story was, that I was close to Helsinki railway station, confirmed by my watch.

    It wasn’t the case.

    Watch was just a watch, but the forest outside had been real. We were really traveling on that moment in the middle of forest, not being near the capital area.

    Train was couple of hours late .

    Story had won the reality.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s